After a break-up, it is difficult to see your relationship objectively because there is a gaping hole in your heart and your life and nothing is clear. When you’re the victim or the person who has been broken up with, a bad break-up can eat at your self-esteem. The brain spins thoughts like…Why did they leave me? What’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough? In reality, nothing is farther from the truth.
You are a good person. You are fabulous inside and out, but you’re probably not in the right relationship at this time in your life. Once time has passed, it’s easier to see the relationship from another point of view and eventually the reasons why the relationship ended will become more clear.
But I knew my spouse so well…
It’s easy to feel blind-sided when you think you know someone so well. You know their patterns, understand their routine and can probably finish their sentences. In reality, no-one ever knows what is going on in another person’s head – and only that person knows why they left the relationship.
Maybe they have low-self esteem, or they need to feed their ego? Maybe something is missing or they simply want to move on? Maybe their intuition is saying “This simply is not the right relationship for me.” Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter. It still hurts both parties. Just know… you will get through the grief in time.
8 Tips for Practicing Forgiveness
1. Become open to receiving guidance. Follow your intuition and insight. Sit in a quiet place and listen to your inner spirit. What is it telling you? Are you supposed to be following that dream that you’ve always had. The direction will be crystal clear when you listen – this is how you create awareness around yourself and figure out your life’s purpose.
2. FEAR, FEAR, FEAR. Learn to recognize when you’re being influenced by a thought that is ‘FEAR based.’ A fear based thought is “I’m scared my spouse is going to leave me,” “My relationships never work out,” “Nothing good ever happens to me.” If you think negative thoughts, they will probably come true because you’re manifesting those thoughts into your life. Acknowledge it, and don’t give it power. However, another way to look at this obsession with fear is…maybe you’re manifesting those negative thoughts because YOU WANT a change in your life.
3. Give up your need for proof. Everyone needs PROOF. Put the pieces of the puzzle back together, but once you figure it out, move on. An example is “I need to know when and where my spouse had their affair.” Don’t get obsessed with the details. Requiring proof of every little detail will keep you from moving onto the next phase of your life.
4. Find the symbolism in the situation or relationship. Why was that person in your life? What did you learn from each other? What did that person teach you? What would you do differently?
5. Release the anger and the blame. Nothing happens to you. You make things happen and they happen for a reason. Take the time to be sad and angry and frustrated. It’s healthy – then release the anger and practice forgiveness.
6. Stay in the present moment. Refrain from living in the past or future. Right now, you are reading this article. PERIOD. You are in the moment.
7. Practice becoming more conscious of what you believe in and why. When you become clear about your own values and beliefs, what’s acceptable and what’s unacceptable, and where your boundaries are, then you will lead a more honest life and a life of integrity.
8. Be grateful. Try and be grateful for what you have. “I’m grateful I have a roof over my head,” “I’m grateful my children are happy and healthy,” “I’m grateful I’m not drinking dirty muddy water.” When you practice gratitude, it brings more positive energy into your life. Setting off a positive vibration will bring positive people into your life. And who knows…when you least expect it, another great relationship might fall into your lap.