In this life we all share one thing in common, loss. Whether it is the loss of a spouse through divorce, a loss of a family member or a loss of a pet, it is hard no matter how you look at it.
My friend called the other day and asked me how I grieved the loss of my marriage and the loss of my mother. For me, both were very different processes. The death of my mother hit me one year later. It was Memorial Day and I woke up angry. I was angry about my childhood and the fact that she never let me be a child. I played the role of the responsible caretaker of the family, caring for a mentally ill mother: there was anger built up that I never knew existed. That weekend, I wrote in my journal and cried for 4 days without ever leaving the house. My pillow wet with tears. But after 4 days of falling into a deep dark depression and crying until I had nothing left to give, I felt lighter. The burden had been lifted off my shoulders. On the 5th day, I awoke to complete forgiveness. I now feel 100% at peace and know that on the other side, she is guiding me.
When my friend asked how I had forgiven my X, I couldn’t answer her. For me it was a different process and only time has partially healed that wound. He appears in my dreams and I am still putting together the pieces of the puzzle together. The why? The when? Questions I will never know the answers to because the communication ceased the day the relationship was over. For that relationship, there was no closure so the questions will remain unanswered indefinitely. Yet everyday, I find that we peel back another piece of the onion only to find another layer. Grief is filled with layers and everyone processes it differently.
My question to you is, how do you grieve?