Living with an alcoholic is not easy. It’s unnerving because you never know what state your loved one will be in when they return from the party or the bar.
Will they be in a good mood? Will they be angry? Will they be slurring their words? Will they smell like whiskey? Or will you just have another sleepless night worrying about them?
These are the questions that arise when living with an alcoholic. I know because I lived with one. Most of my nights were spent waiting in anticipation. I often wondered what time he would stumble in…1am? 2am? 3am? 4am? 5am? It was always a guessing game. And even though he’d break down in tears pleading for forgiveness, the outcome never changed. He was always late, and always drunk or high.
And over the years, I took on the responsibility of the alcoholic’s behavior. I made excuses for him when he needed me to. I turned the other cheek when I wasn’t brave enough to look the truth in the eye. And I lived with it because that’s all I knew.
What I didn’t realize was that his poor behavior was affecting MY LIFE and MY HAPPINESS. Thankfully, a friend turned me onto an Alanon meeting and there I learned, that ‘you are responsible for no-one but yourself.’ You cannot control another person’s behavior. They are responsible for their own behavior. And that goes for children, parents, spouses, and siblings.
So, the minute an alcoholic starts affecting your life, RUN, don’t walk to your nearest Alanon or Alateen meeting. The meetings will teach you to be responsible for only one person “yourself.” You cannot change the alcoholic because it is their disease and their battle. And most likely, when you set your own boundaries, say NO, and let go of the outcome, then divine intervention happens.
If you are living with an alcoholic, here are 14 POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS to help you get through your day…
I am learning to set appropriate boundaries and enforce them
I am responsible for my own feelings and no-one else
When I feel anger I can express it appropriately
I am honest and direct
I have intimate healthy relationships
I am able to listen without giving advice
I can identify and express my feelings honestly
I am able to ask for help when I need it
I trust my intuition
I am able to say NO
I have choices in my life
I take care of myself spiritually, emotionally, and physically
But most importantly, I MATTER!
* These excerpts are directly from the codependents affirmation book. These affirmations have saved my life.